I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
