Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
