Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
