Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
