I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I am morally bankrupt
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
