It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
