Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
