If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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