On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
