It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
