finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
