You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
