How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
someone get that fucking seahorse.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
