please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I understand Curling. That high.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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