K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize