Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
