this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
