put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we made out on top of his cat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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