So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
