5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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