We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
