yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
