yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
