and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
