I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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