Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
