Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
