I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize