I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
