I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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