her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
how does that bad decision feel?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
