my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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