I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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