I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
