her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
