his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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