You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize