i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
