i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
