Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
