apparently the secret to your success is patron
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
