its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
