He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
