um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
