I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
