If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
