somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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