If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
