She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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