Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
