I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
