You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
