will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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