I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
