While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How's work?
Spinning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
