The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
