i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
