Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
