nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
