I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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