I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
