His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
