Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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