I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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