i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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