I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
