90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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