U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
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She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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